Women of The World:
Confidence, Dating & Sex
It's easy to look around at other women and think “where do they get their confidence from?” When it comes to Latin cultures, especially, the women seem to just exude sexiness as though it's in their DNA. Whatever size or shape they are, they seem to just 'know' how to hold themselves, how to act around men, how to go after what they want, and how to enjoy great sex lives.
In Brazil, there are many ways in which women use their Latin temperament to build their self-confidence and live the life they aspire to, and there's no reason why you can't do the same. So take some hints and tips from 'the Brazilian way' and learn how you can also take life by the scruff of the neck and inject some much-needed energy and confidence into your own life.
Why are Brazilian women so confident? Because from an early age they've been taught to respect themselves and accept who they are, flaws and all. Unlike many other Western cultures, which are so obsessed with beauty, celebrity and wealth, Brazilians are way more grounded. It's a relatively poor country, so learning to appreciate what little they may have, and also knowing the importance of family, are both huge factors when it comes to understanding their own self-worth.
1. Treat others well and feel good about yourself
As mentioned, Brazilians (particularly Brazilian women) are big on family and are very loyal to their friends. It's not so much that they believe in karma, but they definitely believe that treating others with respect breeds confidence within themselves. Brazilians know that self-esteem comes from within, it can't be given to you by someone else, so by treating others the way you want to be treated yourself, makes them feel good and boosts their self-confidence.
2. Loving yourself makes it easier for others to love you too
When you're confident, it shows on the outside as well making you feel good on the inside. Some people think that loving yourself means you're being arrogant and self-centered, but it's actually the opposite. Some cultures and societies make you feel bad for loving yourself, they want to keep you 'down there' socially, so you're more easily controllable. Brazilians, however, have a natural outgoing nature and they don't feel ashamed to treat themselves or spoil themselves. From an early age, they are taught to be the best they can be, to do things they love and to not feel guilty about loving themselves and showing the world who they are. These are the people it's easy to be around, because their own inner lights can shine onto you, too. Being around people who are so effusive and loving is infectious, and to get some of the same you just have to learn to love yourself and not feel guilty about it.
3. Ignore criticism
We all want approval in life, whether it's from a parent, a friend or a boss. We aspire to succeed, but the mistake we make is to let others decide what 'successful' actually means. Is it the amount of money you have? The car you drive? The house you live in? Or is it something more spiritual, like inner peace or an acceptance of who you are? Because we crave approval from our peers, it's easy to feel hurt by criticism, we take it very personally and it can stunt our emotional growth because we become afraid to show our true selves in case we get shot down or told we're no good. Brazilians don't seem to suffer with this problem, because they know that criticism doesn't matter. If they get negative criticism, they either turn it into something positive or they ignore it completely. They are confident in the decisions they make and that confidence comes from accepting that they are not going to please everybody all of the time, so the important thing is always to please themselves. You can't control what other people think, you can only control what you think. Knowing that, leads to stronger confidence and a sense of freedom which lets you grow as a person.
4. Listen to your mother!
Brazilians worship their mothers. They know that mothers are the heartbeat of every family and, without them, the family is poorer. Even those who may have lost their own mothers, will have another female in their life who is on the Mother Pedestal - an aunt, an older cousin, a sister, maybe a friend's mother. Mothers are so revered in Brazil because they are wise, patient and, most importantly, they're always right! Having a strong mother as a role model is crucial to nurturing a Brazilian's sense of self-worth. Mothers are the glue that holds Brazilian families together and they continue to influence their children throughout their lives. More importantly, they give their children the confidence to go out and be who they are.
5. Don't be afraid to take risks
Most of us are taught to be wary in life, to always take the safe road and not rock the boat or upset the status quo. Brazilians, however, are taught to walk to the edge of a cliff and not be afraid to jump off into the water below. It's not about being careless, it's about weighing up options and not being afraid to make the riskier choice. Brazilians always ask themselves “what's the worst that could happen?” They have a great sense of perspective and, because they're already immune to worrying about what other people think, they're more likely to make a decision that suits them, and that's usually the right decision because they don't have needless emotional obstacles put in their way. They also trust their instincts. Even if their head is saying one thing, they'll ask their heart to shout louder and it's usually the heart that they will follow. So next time you're faced with what you think is an impossible decision, listen to what your gut says and ask yourself what the worst case scenario would be if you went ahead. You'll probably realize that the worst thing you imagined, isn't really so bad.
6. Lose your ego
It's easy to think that Brazilian people have big egos as they hold themselves confidently and are never afraid to say what they think. This confidence is often mistaken as arrogance but it's completely the opposite. Egos are bred from a desire to get approval from other people. Those with egos are desperate to feel accepted by others, they want people to look at them and be impressed, they want to be taken notice of because their own self-esteem is so low. But because Brazilians don't really care what other people think, they don't have egos. They love themselves, they treat others with respect and they take care of their family and friends. There's no ego involved with that, it's purely self-love and love for others which drives them through life. Brazilians don't have unreal expectations and they don't aspire to false ambitions like being famous or having more money than their friends. The bottom line is, they have nothing to prove to anybody, and that's exactly what makes them so confident.
When it comes to dating, Brazilian women can be just as unsure and insecure as any other women, but they'll never show it. Because they're naturally confident, they can use that inner security to create a dating persona; a fearless, but gentle soul who isn't afraid to dip her toe in the dating pool and see what's out there. And, once she's secured a date for the night, she will have a definite idea of how she wants that date to go, and will make sure her potential lover dances to her own particular tune.
1. Take time to prepare
Because Brazilian women know how to love and feel good about themselves, they like nothing more than to pamper and spoil their bodies at every opportunity. When they're preparing for a date, they love to take hours making sure every part of themselves feel beautiful and sensual. This isn't necessarily for the benefit of their date, it's for themselves. Brazilian women know that, if they feel great, then that's going to ooze out of every pore when they arrive for their date. Brazilian women will often spend more time preparing for their date, than on the actual date itself. They don't have to have long beauty routines, they just like taking their time, enjoying every minute of their pampering. This is why Brazilian women are so good at things like massage, manicures and pedicures, because they worship their own bodies just as much as they will pamper yours. By the time they arrive for their date, they look and feel fabulous, and it would take a pretty bad evening to ruin that.
2. Maintain eye contact
In US culture, it's not the done thing to look directly at people, we're kind of taught that it's rude or that it invades a person's personal space, to focus all of your attention on them, all of the time. Sure, it can make some people feel uncomfortable, especially if it's a stranger who has approached you and is staring right at you as they speak! But in Brazilian culture, maintaining eye contact is common, whether you're paying the cashier at the grocery store, getting on a bus or going on a date. You might feel shy and self-conscious during your date, which is understandable, but if you adopt the Brazilian attitude then you'll find your date being much more responsive and you will feel more confident as the night progresses. When you first arrive, smile and look him straight in the eye as he greets you. Then keep that eye contact going, all through the date. Listen as he speaks, and keep looking at him. When it's your turn to speak, use your eyes to add feeling to what you're saying. It might feel strange at first, but the more you do it, the more natural it feels and the more responsive he's going to be. It makes you look more interested (even if you're not) and it will encourage him to be more open himself.
3. Ask questions
When dating, it's easy to sit back and let the guy do all the work. Some women like to maintain an air of mystery, thinking it makes them appear more sophisticated. But Brazilian women don't do this, they don't need to. Instead, Brazilian women will ask questions, all of the time. They like to keep conversation flowing and they like to know the person they're speaking to. By asking questions, you're telling your date that you're interested in them, which makes them feel fantastic. It also shows them how confident and intelligent you are, how open your personality is and how rounded as a person you are. For the man, it will be a refreshing change to find himself on a date with a confident woman who knows who she is and isn't afraid to peel away his own layers. That's an incredibly sexy, erotic thing for a man, so make sure you have a lot of questions to ask him!
4. Don't be afraid of going on a bad date
Dating is scary, period. Even if you've met the guy before, going out with him in a 'date scenario' is entirely different to socializing with him in a group of friends. Blind dates, too, are uncharted waters and you just don't know what you're going to get. Of course, you want the date to go well, to discover your Prince Charming and look for the nearest sunset to ride off into. But chances are that's not going to happen, not yet, anyway. Brazilian women know this, and they just go with it. Before they even leave for the date, they have already accepted that it might not go the way they hoped, but they're willing to do it anyway. This doesn't mean they are going out with a negative attitude, they're just good at being realistic. If the date does go bad, they won't blame themselves, they'll just accept it for what it is, and move on. They might feel disappointed for a while, but they'll pick themselves up and get ready for the next date instead of dwelling on something they can't change. If a guy stands you up, or the date is so bad you just don't want to stay there, don't be afraid to leave and do something more constructive with the rest of the evening. You don't have to stay in a situation you're not comfortable with. Brazilian women will happily leave a bad date and ring some friends to go out with or just go somewhere else on their own and talk to other people.
5. Accept that perfection does not exist
This might sound ironic, because Brazilian women are famed for their beauty and confidence and many of us might aspire to be as perfect as the Brazilians. But the reason Brazilians come across as so perfect is because they don't actually believe in perfection - that's their secret. There's so much pressure on women to be beautiful and slim and everything that comes with it, but Brazilian women don't succumb to this, they're just themselves. You might be worried about what your date will think when you show up, about what you say during dinner, or you might be paranoid that you don't tick all of his boxes, but if you were Brazilian then you wouldn't care. The most important thing is to be true to yourself, to not try and be someone else. Sure, you can adopt a fun 'date' persona to make things more fun and inject yourself with a little extra confidence, but don't try and 'be' the perfect date, because she doesn't exist and what men actually love about confident women is their flaws and the way women accept themselves. Don't forget, guys have hang-ups, too, so if you can show him you're happy the way you are, it'll not only make him forget his own imperfections, but he'll want to be around you all the time.
If you ask any guy what country or culture has the sexiest women, Brazil will definitely be very high on their list. That's because Brazilians have that natural air of eroticism and an overt sexuality which is intoxicating and addictive. But how do they achieve - and maintain - this in the bedroom?
1. Learn the value of foreplay
This should be a rule whatever culture you're from, but Brazilian women have turned this into an art form. There's a reason why Brazilian women are so sexy and that's because they know sex isn't all about, well, sex. From kissing and touching, to massage, sexy talk and mood setting, Brazilian women recognize that great sex comes from great preparation. The brain is the sexiest organ in the body and they know that it is the brain which needs the most stimulation if great sex is to happen. To Brazilians, sex is a 24-hour pleasure. Foreplay can happen when you're on your way out of the door, kissing your lover with a promise of what is to come later. Foreplay is cooking a romantic breakfast or dinner, or filling the house with flowers. Foreplay is telling your man that you love him, it's sharing a bath, it's reaching for his hand when you're passing in the doorway. Being tactile 24/7 is the best way to get you and your lover in the mood for sex at any time, in any place. And when you do get down to it, just take your time, arousing each other's minds as well as your bodies. Use smell, audio, touch and visual stimuli to excite the senses and learn to read each other's reactions so you can go with one another's flow. When you get to the actual act, you should both be so turned on that your animal instincts simply take over.
2. Communicate your sexual desires
One of the biggest problems within a relationship is lack of communication. Sometimes, you just need to spell things out. Brazilian women aren't afraid to ask their lovers what they want in bed. They're also not afraid to tell guys what they want in bed. It's simple and saves an awful lot of time if you can just communicate with your lover about your sexual desires. Even if you've been with each other for a long time, that doesn't mean that you know everything about each other and, when it comes to sex, there's often a whole load of things that you just haven't talked about, either through embarrassment or an assumption that the other person should already know. In a lot of cases, your sexual needs (and those of your lover) might change during the course of your relationship, but you might be reluctant to discuss this in case your lover thinks he isn't satisfying you in the usual way. Brazilian women are rarely afraid to just say what's on their mind. They don't see the point of wasting time or feeling embarrassed because it doesn't get them anywhere. Communicating your sexual desires might not always end the way you want to (your lover might not want to do the stuff that you do,) but at least you'll know one way or the other. If your lover doesn't want to join you on your sexual adventure, then maybe he's not the one for you. If he does, then what a bonus!
3. The Brazilian wax!
Yes, an actual Brazilian woman invented the Brazilian wax, and there are many reasons why you should get one, not least because it will improve your sex life and boost your sexual confidence to impossible heights. A Brazilian wax removes every single hair from your genitals and ass. Many women think it's very painful but, when done properly and professionally, it's pretty much pain-free and the results will astound you. You'll feel instantly cleaner, smoother and infinitely sexier. Lingerie feels silky and fluid and you won't ever have to worry about stray hairs peeking out from your panties. Removing the mental worries that many women have over how clean they are 'down there' will instantly pep up your sexual self-esteem and instill a sexual confidence which is going to have men flocking to you. The quality of your sex life will also improve infinitely. Being completely hairless means there's no obstruction when accessing any of your sensual areas. Your clitoris, vagina, labia and ass will be much more sensitive and there is evidence that orgasms are much more powerful for women who have had a Brazilian wax. Why? Because feeling cleaner and smoother makes your brain feels sexier and your inner sex goddess is able to show herself unhindered. So no wonder Brazilian women swear by the Brazilian wax!
4. Use food as a sex aid
Brazilians love food, but they also love themselves, so they rarely abuse their bodies with unhealthy food like processed junk food or too much sugar. They eat lots of fresh fruit and vegetables, but they also love meat, too. Their rule is 'eat a little of what you fancy' and don't deny yourself treats and pleasures. At Brazilian barbecues, for instance, you'll find plenty of red meat but there will also be lots of fruit, salads and water. They love to use food as a sex aid, too, whether it's oysters and asparagus as aphrodisiacs in a sexy meal, or ice cream and champagne to drip over their lover's body. To Brazilian women, sex and food are part of the same equation, so learn how to use food as foreplay and your sexual appetite will soon be satiated.
5. Cater for his sexual needs...then make sure he sees to yours
Brazilian women are all about sharing. They like to impart wisdom and love like no other culture on earth, especially when it comes to sex. And because they're very comfortable with communicating their own needs, they expect their lovers to do the same. There's no use expecting your lover to satisfy you, if you have no idea what they want themselves. So take some time to ask your lover what he likes he bed, what his fantasies are, and then ask yourself if you're prepared to help him realize them. Men are notoriously bad at communicating their sexual needs, so it will be up to you to just ask him straight out. Once you have, he'll be delighted you even care and you'll probably find that he's curious about trying lots of different things. Do your best to accommodate him - find some mutual fantasies you can both indulge in, and take it from there. Once you've shown him that you want to please him in bed, turn the question around and tell him what you like. There will be things that one of you likes more than the other - anal sex, oral sex, different sexual positions etc, but the important thing is to be open to suggestion and not to discount anything until you've actually tried it. Once you're both on the same page, you'll find your sex lives rocketing off in another direction entirely, and you'll become closer and more intimate sexually, which means you're more likely to stay together.
6. Know yourself intimately
Identifying your own sexual needs means knowing your body and your mind better than anyone else. Not enough woman explore themselves sexually, not enough women masturbate regularly, and not enough women are comfortable with really getting to know themselves 'down there.' A lot of women worry that they are unclean, or that their lover will not like how they smell or taste, but take it from me, men love how you smell naturally, and they love how you taste, even better. Brazilian woman are not afraid to get really intimate with themselves. Don't understand how your lover can go down on you and find it pleasurable? Try tasting yourself. If guys love it so much, then find out why. Next time you're in the shower, or just lying on your bed, insert a finger inside yourself, then taste it and smell it. It's incredibly arousing, and your natural scent is what drives men crazy, so get used to it and don't be afraid of your own smell. It's one of the things that makes Brazilian women so sexually confident, because they don't ask lovers to go places they haven't been themselves.
Avoid cosmetic cleaners which claim to freshen you up – your natural smell is what men want, so don't use fragranced soaps or cleansers, just warm water. It's OK to get aroused by your own scent, the same way men do when they taste you, so get used to it, and fall in love with it!
Brazilian girls are always women first, lovers second. Ask questions of your lover, be inquisitive, be interested. Make him laugh, remind him why he fell in love with you in the first place. Be spontaneous, it's in a Brazilian woman's DNA. Brazilians take the lead, in bed as well as in conversation. Be schizophrenic – adopt multiple sexy personalities and don't be afraid to experiment. Sometimes you may not be 100% in the mood for sex or seduction but if you assume one of your sexy personas, it can help ignite the passion. Indulge in fantasies, as sex doesn't have to be final, it doesn't have to end in climax. Kissing, touching, foreplay, caressing, oral sex, mutual masturbation – there are plenty of things you can do that don't involve penetration and which can still blow your mind...because your mind is the ultimate sex organ. Sex is intimacy, sex is trust, sex is being close to who you love and when you feel so intimate with someone, your confidence goes through the roof.
Be a woman, not just a wife. Brazilians are big on respect, they're big on commitment, they're big on love and they're big on sharing. Finally, accept your men, warts and all. You can't love the good bits and moan about the bad bits. You're not perfect yourself but it's the acceptance of your flaws which draws men to you, and helps you improve your own self-esteem.
- Sienna Sinclaire® - Naughty Lifestyle Guide - Los Angeles Dating & Sex Coach