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- 4 Reasons People Cheat

4 Reasons People Cheat

Many people fall in love with each other, get married and think they are going to live happily ever after, as though the ring that now sits on their finger is an impenetrable glue which guarantees the success of their relationship. But married or not, relationships demand emotional, spiritual and sexual investment, if theyíre to grow and mature. Being married does not make you or your partner immune to temptation or resistant to change. The key to maintaining the magic which first brought you both together lies in accepting that your relationship is organic and, just as feelings and experiences change, so you have to change with them.

1. Not getting what you want from your partner

All of us want to feel loved and wanted by our partners, so when that isnít forthcoming, itís easy to feel neglected and feel the need to look elsewhere for affection, or whatever else you think is missing from your life. This can often lead to cheating, which may not have been the initial intention, but we can all be slaves to our emotions and if something makes us feel good Ė like a smile from someone attractive or a compliment when you werenít expecting it Ė then we tend to chase after that because we like how it makes us feel. Thatís human nature, and thereís nothing wrong with it, but itís about where you draw the line. Having boundaries can mean the difference between enjoying a harmless flirtation and turning into a cheater.

This is why itís so important to be honest with yourself. Are you not getting what you want from your partner? If so, what needs are not being met? If you need some attention, and are desperate for that attention to come from your partner instead of someone else, then think about how you can get yourselves back on track.

If you feel like somethingís missing, or you just want to reconnect with your lover on whatever level, talk to them and reestablish the dialogue that got you together in the first place. Communication is key! Your partner is not a mind reader and donít get upset because they canít figure out for themselves whatís upsetting you. Talk to your partner about whatís missing. It could be as simple as your lover asking you how your day went, kissing you on the cheek when they get home, helping out with household chores to texting you throughout the day to feel loved. Also, ask them to see if thereís any need not getting met on their end. You might be surprised that they feel the same way.

2. Loss of Excitement

Human beings get bored very easily. Thatís a fact of life, because we are naturally inquisitive and are always hungry for new things to excite and stimulate us. This is particularly true today, with the wealth of technology open to us Ė everythingís fast, instant and now! Think about it, people want to be entertained constantly, whether itís through traveling, binge-watching a favorite TV show, seeing the latest special effects blockbuster, attending sports games, going clubbing etc., the list is endless.

This is also true when it comes to dating. Gone are the days of long courtships, with couples taking their time to get to know one another through love letters, evening walks and long engagements. We donít wait anymore, for anything.

People tend to cheat when the excitement in their relationship starts to fizzle because they are looking to bring back that excitement they felt in the beginning. We tend to get ďcomfortableĒ in our relationships and neglect our partners. So people start to look elsewhere, and it can begin innocently by going online, hanging out with friends, flirting with co-workers, etc.

But instead of looking elsewhere, you should be looking to your partner for that excitement. Itís up to both of you to keep things exciting. Yes, itís always going to come easy in the beginning of a relationship but as time goes on, relationships take work. And if you think itís worth it, then work at it. Go on date nights but change it up with something new every week. Instead of having sex in the same position all the time, try something different whether its a new position, sex toy, different room of the house, or taking a sex class together. Yes the lust in the beginning may have faded a little but keep the love alive between the two of you by spicing things up both in and out of the bedroom. Stop feeling bored or trapped, and start taking control of your own happiness instead of thinking that happiness lies elsewhere.

3. Not being honest with yourself

Many people Iíve spoken to have confessed that the reason theyíre unfaithful is simply because they just donít know what they want. They get into a relationship and everything is wonderful for awhile, then they start to have doubts. But, instead of ending the relationship or discussing with their partner the issues they have, they just go out and cheat instead, as though a quick fix of lust and excitement is all they need to Ďfill the gap.í

The reality is that they just donít know themselves well enough to feel confident in the choices theyíre making. People who lack self-esteem or any real insight into who they actually are, may cheat their way from relationship to relationship and will only be able to break the cycle when they realize what it is they actually want.

I know this because it happened to me when I was younger. I dated guys but none of my relationships seemed to last, and I cheated on many of them, because I was still on my own dating journey, trying to figure out what I wanted from a relationship. Luckily, I came to know myself pretty quickly, and once I realized what I did (and didnít) want from a partner, it put me in a much better position to choose the people I dated with more care. I stopped cheating, because I no longer needed to, and I was able to give my partner a lot more of myself, both physically and emotionally, because I was confident in who I was.

But there are many people, of all ages, who just donít know themselves well enough to feel confident in their relationship choices. No matter how much they love their partners, theyíll always be searching for something more, but unless they know what that Ďmoreí actually is, then how will they ever find it? The important thing is to learn from your dating experiences, both good and bad, in order to stop making the same mistakes over and over again. This is when you need to take a break from dating and figure out exactly what you want from a relationship and from yourself.

When I was in my mid-20s, I took a break from dating after a bad breakup. Only when I had this time and space to myself, did I realize that I had a habit of repeating unhealthy relationships for the simple reason that I just didnít know what I wanted. It had never occurred to me to have a relationship with myself first, before hooking up with anyone else. So I took a two year break. Technically, I still dated guys during this time, but I made it clear that I didnít want any kind of serious relationship with them. It was important for me to figure myself out, and it was during this time that I realized that monogamy just wasnít for me. This is why so many of my relationships failed! I wasnít cut out for one relationship with one person.

Thatís when I started conducting open relationships. They are not for everyone, and Iím not suggesting everyone should try them in order to Ďcureí your own relationship issues. I just mean that itís important for you to discover your own dating style, because it might not be the standard Ďnormí that society expects of you. One-size does not fit all when it comes to dating. A relationship is whatever you want it to be, you just need to find someone whoís on the same page as you.

4. Being a coward

Another reason people cheat is because theyíre too afraid to tell their partner that they want to end the relationship. For instance, you might not be interested in your lover anymore Ė some people just fall out of love as quickly as they fall into it Ė but the idea of telling this to your partner is so terrifying, you just donít have the courage to do it. So you put up with something thatís making you unhappy, and you seek excitement and validation elsewhere.

Trust me, I know this first hand, because I used to be that coward. When I was tired of a guy, I was so worried about hurting their feelings if I told them, that I just said nothing and went behind their back instead. Of course, my lovers ended up being hurt twice as much by the discovery Iíd been unfaithful, than they would have been if Iíd just told them the truth Ė that I didnít want to be with them anymore.

But another reason for this is because they have a secret desire to get caught, because if they get caught, then their lover can do the breaking up, not them, which takes the pressure and guilt away. Crazy when you think about it Ė that to feel less guilty about breaking up with a lover, you cheat on them instead.

But thatís exactly what I was like, because it was easier if they broke up with me, rather than the other way around. But if Iíd been a stronger, more confident person who knew what I wanted and how to ask for it, then Iíd never have been in those situations in the first place.

Sure, I regret hurting those guys, but I regret hurting myself more, and it was during my dating break when I decided to break the cycle and resolve to just be honest with every guy I met in the future. True to my word, Iíve done exactly that, and nobody has gotten hurt, especially not me. My relationships last a lot longer and always run their natural course, with no bad feelings on either side. Yes, these relationships are open, but they are transparent and honest, with all cards laid upon the table. If a lover doesnít like the lifestyle I lead, or realizes he canít handle some of the jealousies and insecurities that can come with open relationships, then we part company and there are no hard feelings.


Itís clear to me that the main reason behind why people cheat lies in communication Ė or lack of it. Not just communication between partners, either, but the internal communication you should be having with yourself.

Not knowing what you want from a relationship or, if you do know, then not knowing how to ask for it, will always lead to insecurity Ė and that can lead to cheating, because youíre never happy with what youíve got.

Your behavior as an individual reflects how youíre likely to behave in a relationship. If youíre an unconfident, indecisive or selfish person, then thatís all youíll bring to a partnership, too. Knowing yourself breeds confidence, and itís that confidence which attracts others. Nail that, and youíll never feel the need to cheat again.

~ Sienna Sinclaire - Naughty Lifestyle Expert - Los Angeles Sex & Dating Coach

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